Mixed Messages reflects on the challenges of being mixed race and having mixed race hair. My goal is for other mixed-race people to be able to relate to my pieces, and for non-mixed-race people to be able to learn something about the challenges that come with mixed race hair and identity. I am half White, a quarter Black, and a quarter Japanese. Unlike my brother who can easily be seen as part black, my skin is much fairer. The fairness of my skin has at times made it more challenging to identify with my Black side. Being told “you just look White” or “you can’t be Black” has caused me to struggle with identifying with that part of myself. I wouldn't feel comfortable saying I am Black when I felt people wouldn’t accept me as more than just White. One thing I do have that does show my Black side is my hair. My kinky curls are not something you would find on a Caucasian and have become a strong source of pride for me. My dual struggle with my hair and my love for it mirrors my journey in embracing all aspects of myself.
Endless Products
I have gone through thousands of different products and routines for my hair. I can never find the perfect product. For most of my life I didn’t even have the slightest clue on how to deal with my own hair. My dad had an afro and my mom had straight hair, so none of us really knew what we were doing. I remember being little and crying when my mom told me I had to start washing my hair on my own. I never had anyone in my life that completely understood my hair because it was so different. My mom has tried a bunch of different kinds of shampoos, conditioner, leave in conditioner, hair sprays, you name it, never knowing what would work or not. Over time I would find myself tripping over an army of annoying hair products in my shower.
Wild Hair
My ethnically diverse genes have given me a wide range of types of hair curls, colors, and lengths. Daily I am corralling blond puffs at my hairline, (which I am always pushing down), and five wavy strands in the back, (which I assume come from my White/Asian side). The result of this is that I cannot put my hair in a ponytail without it looking uneven! Sometimes it looks like someone was trimming my hair and fell in the middle of it or something! On top of this, it changes every day. I never know what it will look like the next day, which can get annoying if I want to do something nice with it. I can’t help but get jealous at times of girls with straight, even, consistent hair when my head can look like I have a million different kinds of hair sprouting from it! That said, at the end of the day, I love all the weird textures that come with my hair. They make me unique.
Just Ask
People always touch my hair! Do they ask for permission? No. Do they need to know me well to feel comfortable touching my hair? No. Don’t try to braid my hair! Don’t try to untangle my hair! Don’t lay your head on my hair like it’s your own personal pillow! Don’t pull on my curls to see how long they get and watch them spring up! Kids at my school aren't used to it and feel like they have the right to pet me like a dog whenever they want. After a while, this gets a little irritating. I don’t blame people for being curious, I just wish they would ask before assuming that I’ll be okay with them pawing at me.
Not Straightening Out
Why do people always suggest that I straighten my hair? Throughout my whole life, it’s a question I’ve faced and I’ve never completely understood why. “Have you ever straightened your hair?” “You should straighten your hair” “What do you look like with your hair straight?” Is it because they want to see what they think I should look like? Is it weird seeing someone that looks white with really curly hair? What makes them want to see it straight so badly? I hate straightening my hair. My curls are such a big part of my identity and if I burned them straight I would feel fake.
Mixed Kids
People with mixes of different ethnicities don’t all look the same. Some can look completely white when they are the same amount of Black as someone who appears fully Black. People can easily identify my little brother as being part Black, but when they look at me, half the time they can’t tell. It’s always been hard not having my ethnicity recognized at school when my friend, who is the same percentage of Black as I am, is accepted by everyone as being Black because of her darker skin complexion. I shouldn’t have to feel jealous of her when I know I have the same amount. It’s one thing not to be able to tell if someone is mixed, but another to say that they aren’t mixed at all. We should remember that no one should feel comfortable claiming that one person must be of a certain ethnicity simply based on their appearance. From skin complexion, to eye color, to hair color, to hair texture, to facial features…. mixed-race kids are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get! The key is remembering that all chocolates have their own wonderful and unique flavor and deserve to be embraced!
Collaborative Piece at the showing. Asks what connects you to your identity.
Displayed my canvases at the MLK Jr freedom ride celebration at the San Mateo Train Station. Sold one canvas and numerous posters to fund the Black Parents Association student scholarship fund.
Parents who took the children out for the MKL Day, took time to read my statements with each piece. I saw this experience spur discussion with their children.
